When you engage remember these important points:

1. Use your own experience or story Psychological barriers can be broken down when people hear our personal stories. Many people of faith are deeply moved when they hear us talk about the immense harm so many have experienced as a result of religious teachings or beliefs that label them as morally or spiritually inferior. Our experience with sharing the personal stories of devastating harm caused by religiously based anti-gay attitudes and beliefs in the book CRISIS has reinforced the power of this message. When we talk about the harm that religion-based bigotry causes gay Americans and their families, it is a powerful motivator. Country singer Chely Wright’s interview with Oprah, describing the emotional and psychological harm that she experienced because of anti-gay religious teachings, is a wonderful reminder of how powerful our personal stories can be. (You can view the interview here.

2. Challenge the harm, not the person’s faith Our job is to educate, not offend. Calling someone a bigot based on their religious belief is unproductive and, at worst, counterproductive. Calling attention to the harms caused by particular religious teachings or beliefs is not the same as attacking a person’s faith. We can engage people about religious belief or religious teaching without being perceived as attacking a person’s faith. People of faith recognize that religious teaching has been up for debate for centuries. They may privately question something their pastor states during a sermon over lunch or voice their disagreement on church teaching to others. Discussions about religious teaching or belief can take place without someone feeling the core principles of their faith are being challenged.

3. Remember that ending religion-based bigotry has a positive impact on us all People of faith who have been taught it’s okay to hold negative attitudes toward gay and lesbian individuals are themselves harmed by these false and misguided beliefs. Letting go of those harmful beliefs is a very positive experience for a person of faith. Many people of faith are initially hesitant to
embrace acceptance and equality because they
may fear they are letting go of an important part
of church teaching. If I don’t believe the Bible
teaches homosexuality is a sin, then isn’t all of
its teaching up for reevaluation? This is where
pointing to history as a guide can be effective.
 People of faith usually understand that religious teaching was used to justify discrimination against interracial couples, women and African Americans. They can realize that departure from those misguided religious teachings did not lead to a dismantling of religious doctrine or faith communities but rather had a positive effect on religion and its communities. That realization can open their minds to the idea that questioning religious teaching or beliefs that condone harmful discrimination against gay people may also strengthen their faith community and lead to other positive results.