As incredible as it may seem, many parents reject their gay child because of counseling by their church that homosexuality is a sin. This rejection causes extreme harm to children, leaving them with feelings of confusion, loneliness and pain. Research has shown that a gay child, rejected by his or her family, is at a high risk of severe depression and suicide—and especially so when the rejection is couched in religious terms.
Research done last year by Caitlin Ryan, PhD, Director of the Family Acceptance Project and her team at the César E. Chávez Institute at San Francisco State University found that LGB young adults who reported higher levels of family rejection during adolescence were 8.4 times more likely to report having attempted suicide, 5.9 times more likely to report high levels of depression, 3.4 times more likely to use illegal drugs, and 3.4 times more likely to report having engaged in unprotected sexual intercourse, compared with peers from families that reported no or low levels of family rejection. Given this, it is important for parents and family members LGBT youth to know the facts about sexuality.
Sexuality is Not a Choice: There is no evidence that LGBT people choose their sexuality any more than heterosexual people choose to be straight. Sexual orientation is a natural part of a human’s being whether it be heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual. Same-sex orientation is not a choice to go against God’s will. It is a normal, natural and healthy expression of human sexuality that is innate for some people.
Sexuality Cannot Be Changed: The American Psychological and Psychiatric Associations, the American Medical Association, and the National Organization of Social Workers, the American Academy of Pediatrics, and the American Psychoanalytic Association all agree that a person’s sexual identity cannot be changed and that efforts to do so often cause great mental harm.
Homosexuality Is Not a Sickness: The American Psychological and Psychiatric Associations removed homosexuality from their lists of disorders more than 30 years ago.
Homosexuality is Not a Sin: There are many Christian denominations as well as Reform and Conservative Judaism, which no longer teach this to be true. According to polls by religious groups, half of Americans no longer interpret the Bible to say homosexuality is a sin.
LGBT People Can, and Do, Lead Happy Lives: Many parents worry that their gay child will be unhappy, but just like heterosexuals, LGBT have the ability to lead lives that are productive and full of success, both personally and professionally. This is especially true in the absence of bigotry and discrimination, as many gay people face barriers to happiness in the form of hate from others.
Additional Resources
There are millions of families who have experienced a child coming out, and learning about their experiences can help you make sense of your own journey. The following websites contain stories and resources that will help you learn more about what it means to have a gay child, and how you can best support and love your child, regardless of their sexuality.
- Family Acceptance
- Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG)
- Family Acceptance Project
- GLSEN, the Gay, lesbian, and Straight Education Network
- Gay Family Support
- Mental Health America’s What Does Gay Mean
- The Trevor Project
- Human Rights Campaign
- National Gay and Lesbian Task Force
- Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD)
- National Center for Lesbian Rights
- Campus Pride